April 2025: Radical Acceptance
Themes: radical acceptance; truly attempting to be our own best friend; spring
It’s Taurus season! I’ve turned 33! And I was traveling in Korea and Japan for 2 weeks in April. So… my April newsletter is arriving in May and, but it’s the perfect lead-in to the theme of this month’s pondering… radical acceptance of what is.
I’ve heard about Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance book for years, been inspired by her teaching of the RAIN technique for interacting more compassionately with our inner worlds for years, and was given the book months ago but had yet to really crack it open.
Recently I started with a new client who told me they were reading this book, it was helping them, and it became the perfect opportunity and inspiration to finally dive in (one reason why I love my work— so many lovely recommendations from the people I get to work with!). I can’t believe I’d waited so long to begin! Though I’m only on page 73 at the moment, there have been lessons I’ve been able to apply right away that have been deeply healing.
One takeaway that really blew me away was the openness and spaciousness and acceptance towards ALL parts of our experience.
It’s so easy to imagine “radical acceptance” as aiming to become so equanimous that you become totally open to and okay with all things all the time, no resistance, no attachment, no stress.
But that’s not really how humans work.
We have emotional responses to things! We resist our experiences and sometimes painful truths, and we cling onto things that make us feel safe and good. These are the human ways.
My takeaway from Tara Brach’s wisdom within these first 72 pages is that radical acceptance is actually holding space for ALL OF IT. Your desire to be equanimous in response to life; that brief moment or part of you that is actually okay with things as they are; the parts of you that are currently struggling with the moment as it is; the fact that a part of you wants it to be different; the fact that you’re uncomfortable with or afraid of some emotion or thought you’re experiencing or you don’t know what to do with it. Holding space for all of it, all parts of you and your experience (and eventually: everyone else’s too), to be true and a part of the truth and wholeness of this moment. Knowing that your emotions and thoughts and this moment will pass. Knowing that nothing lasts forever. Knowing that you don’t have to act on it or do anything about it other than to allow it to be true and accepting that it is what is present in this moment, without rejecting any part of your experience.
I recently got to practice this skill while in transit through Japan, from Narita Airport into the mountainous countryside of Mount Fuji. What we imagined would be a pleasant and scenic 2-hour train ride from the airport, eating bento boxes and playing cards… ended up being a 6-hour, 6 transfer subway to train ride during rush hour in Tokyo, which resulted in us arriving when it was dark, restaurants in the countryside were closed, and we were hungry, tired, and late to our host’s nightly musical performance!
Sitting on the last one of the trains as we made our way, I was telling my friend about this book and recognizing and trying to accept and hold space for all the parts of my experience. For example…
my increasing hunger
my increasing tiredness
the part of me that (of course) wished we could have arrived earlier to get outside, explore, and get dinner
my contentedness and gratitude for getting to be traveling with one of my best friends, and knowing we could do anything or nothing together and I would be enjoying myself
my joy at getting to discuss some philosophy that was really helping me with someone I love
my awe at the fact that we were traveling on a train through Japan after having left Korea earlier that day
my joy, gratitude, and rising ease that we were finally on the last train of the evening
my worry and hope that we would be able to get off the train and find our way to paying for our tickets with not too much stress
All of it coming and going, rising and falling in waves, thoughts and emotions, past present and future. Seeing if we can just hold space for it all to be there and be true. No need to shame or guilt or talk ourselves out of any part. No need to rush through. Tending to the parts that need some attention or care, and perhaps focusing on and growing the ones that help us align with our values and what we want to walk away from the moment holding onto.
We can’t change our emotions (they are our body+mind+spirit’s unique, specific, and very often protective/survival responses to our internal and external environments), but we can change the ways we interact with them to help ourselves move through them more harmoniously. E-motions have movement and momentum to them, rising and falling like waves. If we can practice just allowing them to move through us as they need to, allowing them to deliver the messages to us that they want to deliver (data about us and our current moment experiences), without resisting them, fighting them, fearing them, or grabbing onto them, we will have more room to be aligned with and open to life (which equals less stress because we’re not fighting our own experience and selves).
So on that note!…
New to this edition: Journal + Art therapy prompts
It came to me suddenly— how can I create reflective prompts that inspire others to find avenues into self-learning and how can I keep myself growing and expanding personally and professionally in my own self-reflection?
Why not create prompts that I want to do too?
So this is the beginning of what I hope could be a lovely way to connect inwards and outwards. I’ll plan to complete the prompts myself and make a blog post to share. Hopefully you’ll be able to share yours in the comments, and to see the responses of others too! It’s fun to see how much overlap and learning we so often have when groups of humans come together to open hearts. Remember: you can always enlist your therapist or a loving friend to do these alongside you! Compare notes and experiences in real-time. We all learn and grow from each others’ unfolding.
Much Love,
The Hopefull Hermit (Kelsey)
Quote of the month to ponder:
From Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance book, page 54 of the 2003 printed version.
“The shadow becomes a force in our psyche as we regularly exile the emotions that could elicit rejection from others. We might bury and forget our childlike excitement; ignore our anger until it becomes knots of tension in our body; cover our fears with endless self-judgment and blame. Our shadow is rooted in shame, bound by our sense of being basically defective.
The more deeply we feel flawed and unlovable, the more desperately we run from the clutches of the shadow. Yet by running from what we fear, we feed the inner darkness.
Whenever we reject a part of our being, we are confirming to ourselves our fundamental unworthiness. Underneath "I shouldn't get so angry" lies "There's something wrong with me if I do." Like being stuck in quicksand, our frantic efforts to get away from our badness sink us deeper. As we strive to avoid the shadow, we solidify our identity as a fearful, deficient self.”
Journal prompt for the month:
Part 1: What emotions and parts of yourself do you tend to run from, bury, hide or exile?
Part 2: What might it look like, sound like, feel like to turn towards those parts and emotions with something(s) supportive, compassionate, or accepting? Like…
“Of course you would feel that way.”
“I know, that really hurt.”
“It’s completely human to feel this way.”
“It makes sense that this emotion would arise.”
“This is my present moment experience. It won’t last forever but this is my reality right now.”
“This emotion brings me in touch with life and myself as I am.”
“I don’t have to be ruled by you, but there’s room within me for you to be here for now.”
Here’s a couple visualizations I like to use to help with tending to difficult emotions and parts
I like to imagine a bus with emotions for passengers and me in the driver’s seat,
Imagine a safe and cozy little living room that represents your inner heart/world (design as you like), and invite “sadness” “anxiety” whoever to sit on the comfy couch within and to be at ease while you keep moving forward and taking care of them (I imagine bringing them a blanket, snacks, etc. to help them feel tended)
From you to you: “I love and cherish that part of you.” (Ex: Your sadness is so big because you love so deeply. What a gift you are to the world with that giant loving heart of yours.)
Want to practice holding space for uncomfortable emotions and sensations? Try my meditation: Breath to Open, Soften & Release on YouTube for some practice.
Art therapy idea for the month: Draw a picture of anger.
We’re all having to reckon with anger these days— the anger that lives within us and the anger that resides in others. Anger is a part of the human experience. Other mammals seem to experience anger also. What we know about anger is that is is often the tip of the iceberg. Almost always (some would say always), beneath anger lies fear, sadness, and other difficult-to-experience emotions. We know that anger can be a powerful and motivating force that helps us to feel strong and can help us move out of heavier, stickier emotional states like feeling guilt, shame, or fear that can keep us frozen.
Anger is a force to get to know within ourselves so that we can understand how to work with it most effectively and do the least amount of harm to ourselves and others.
To quote Arun Gandhi (Mahatma Gandhi’s grandson) from his 2016 words to Auburn University’s community:
"[My grandfather] said anger is like electricity," Gandhi recalled. "It's just as useful and just as powerful but only if we use it intelligently. But it can be just as deadly and destructive if we abuse it. Just as we channel electrical energy and bring it into our lives and use it for the good of humanity, we must learn to channel anger in the same way so that we can use that energy for the good of humanity rather than abuse it and cause death and destruction.”
So let’s get familiar with anger within ourselves. How do we feel it? See it? Hear it? How do we know when it’s come (or coming) to visit us. What are our signs that anger is upon us? And when you’re ready, try drawing/painting/sculpting/collaging what anger looks and feels like to you. Let it be messy, raw, expressive and unfiltered. Let it be multilayered.
Bonus points for bringing in to show your therapist or any loving human who can hold space for you to express yourself and your experience and interpretation.
Meditation: Peaceful + Safe Place Meditation
Here’s a peaceful + safe place semi-guided visualization meditation for you to enjoy this month! We settle the body and anchor in before beginning to imagine and create in our minds the most peaceful, safe place we can imagine and start to fill in this place with all of our senses. This is a great meditation before bedtime or whenever you just need a mini-escape throughout the day.
Beginning to 9:30: Settling and grounding
9:30-22:22: Peaceful place visualization
Now playing… (Resources to explore if you feel called to!)
Yukimi (from Little Dragon)’s album: For You
The last song on the album, “Feels Good to Cry” features a few moments of Yukimi’s father, Yusuke Nagano, talking about the joy he gets from weeping and the importance of exploring our emotions. Highly recommend her whole album, the lyrical and musical explorations or love, loss, parenthood, seasons, living in a culture of consumption, taking care of ourselves, all of it!
Latest Offerings:
For my Portland people— Meditation in person!
I’m teaching in-person meditation classes at St. Johns Spa in St. Johns. Open to all experience levels. Here’s my schedule:
Mondays 7-8 pm
Opening with ease
Mondays can be hard. Allow yourself time and space to ease into your week with this relaxing evening meditation. We’ll focus on becoming present; exploring teachings and techniques to bring more ease and equanimity; and relaxing through guided visualizations.
Tuesdays 12-1
Midday Mindfulness
Get the most from your lunch break and recenter your day with this afternoon meditation. We’ll practice becoming present; soothing the nervous system; and explore teachings and techniques to help you stay centered, grounded, and energized throughout your day.
Thursdays 7:30-8:30 am
Start Centered
Begin your day centered and alive in your body and mind with this morning meditation. We’ll practice mindfulness techniques for becoming present; bringing ease into the body and mind; and explore teachings and techniques to help you stay centered, grounded, and energized throughout your day.
Online meditation offerings through Hamsa Meditation Center
Kids classes
Next series starts tomorrow, Monday May 5th!
Spring series for 11 & 12 year old girls
Here's the link to the page to register:
https://www.meditationmomma.com/product/meditation-girls-11-and-12-year-olds/
Spring series for 9 & 10 year olds
Here's the link to the page to register:
https://www.meditationmomma.com/product/meditation-9-and-10-year-olds/
That’s all for now! Hope you’re out there enjoying Taurus season for all its worth! Think grounded, earthy, pleasures. Take time to be with the Earth and outside, find yourself some flowers, mindfully eat a decadent meal or treat!, drink tea slowly, savor anything sensual, wear fun colors, create and view art, find ways to engage with Spring and life returning. You know that’s what I’m doing!
Love always,
The Hopefull Hermit
